it's 4am, and i want so badly to just go to bed so i can stop thinking about how i'm not going to be in austin next semester about how i am going to tell my parents about how my friends give me false hope and never follow through, but instead i'm awake and i can't stop thinking and the one person i want to talk to i cannot and won't bother because see, we're just friends, my heart is so heavy every part of my day and i'm so sick from this false hope people have given me and i don't understand how i let people trample over me and it's my fault too because i put and let myself into each situation, and somehow when the day ends, i find myself hurt and upset and i just want to really break down but i can't because somehow i managed to turn what used to be a love and emo heart into a stupid rock, and i can't ever cry or show any type of sad emotion, and this past false hope - all i can do is think about it over and over again cause that's all i know how to do..
i don't deserve anything,
but how come i feel like my life could be better?
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